Three Families

Last night I witnessed both endings and beginnings. 

Jameson, Edson, and Michael—three brothers who have lived at St. Joe’s for the past seven years—left to go to their new home in Minnesota.  At the going away party held in their honor were their birth parents, their other siblings, the staff and children of Notre Maison/St. Joe’s, and their adoptive parents.

First Family

The boys wanted to see their birth parents before leaving, and they were able to spend time with them and their siblings.  The whole family dressed up and spent quite a bit of time here, had supper with the boys, and prayed with Megan and Barry, the boys’ adoptive parents.

The boys don’t see their first family often.  I think it’s mostly when paperwork for the adoption needs to be complete, which is probably not the best of circumstances because the purpose then is to prepare for the good-bye.  To be honest, the time spent together last night is most likely the most time the boys have spent with their first family. 

When these boys were born and came into their first family, the mom and dad had great hopes for them, I am sure.  I bet nowhere in their thinking of the boys’ future did they see one in which they would not be growing up surrounded by blood relatives who loved them.  They probably never dreamed of having to let them go forever.

Second Family

The bulk of the guests at the party were members of the boys second family—the children they have grown up with, the nannies who have cared for them, and Gertrude and Gabriel who have been responsible for so much of their formation.

This family probably knows them best because they have known them the longest.  They have fought with them, cried with them, celebrated their achievements with them, and watched them grow.  They know their likes and dislikes.  They are friends, especially the other boys—Keloke, Lukson, and Wolton. 

Gertrude filled the role of second mother.  She made sure the boys went to school, attended church, learned manners, had consequences for misbehavior, loved on them when they needed comfort.  She did everything that a first mother does all the while knowing that she would most likely let them go to a family far away.

Third Family

In attendance last night were Barry and Megan Quiggle, the folks who will fill the role of  third parents for the boys’ future.  Megan and Barry will take them to a new place with new family that will include three new siblings—Hannah, Hezakiah, and Noah—as well as countless cousins, aunts, and uncles.  Like their second family, this third family will also be made up of folks who may not be related by blood, but who are family anyway—those who have supported the Quiggles throughout the adoption process, friends who have prayed endlessly, and visitors at the guesthouse who will be able to see the boys in MN. 

The third family has waited a long time for this beginning.  They are anticipating a future filled with fun, laughter, excitement, tears (yes, there will be hard times), and happiness.  God willing, this third family will be permanent after so much change for three young boys. 

The Ties That Bind

I consider myself blessed to have been a part of this transition.  I have known the boys for five years, the Quiggles for 18 months, and the first family not at all.  I love Jameson, Edson, and Michael dearly, but my love for them is nothing compared to the love of their three mothers and fathers. 

Some people think “Oh, it’s so good that the kids are getting a family.”  Well, they've always had a family.  Two of them, in fact.  Yes, the first mother and father had to give them up, but it wasn't because they wanted to.  Economic circumstances forced upon them a decision that no parent should have to face.  Yet, they did.  And their boys ended up with an amazing second family.  Even though Jameson, Edson, and Michael no longer lived with their first family, they were still family.  Those ties of love were never cut.  They will never be cut.

In the same way, the ties that bind the boys to their second family will never be severed.  Notre Maison/St. Joe’s will always be home, and the children and staff there will always be family, whether or not the boys live there.

Now those ties are stretching across an ocean, and even though the distance grows longer, the ties grow no weaker.  It’s not just the boys who are bound to Haiti because it is their place of birth, where their first and second families reside, but the Quiggles are bound to Haiti as well.  They—Megan, Barry, and their birth children—will be connected to Haiti forever because they have family from Haiti and family in Haiti.

I don’t have any idea why God had Jameson, Edson, and Michael born to their first family or why He needed to bring them to their second family at St. Joe’s or why the Quiggles became their third family.  But, I do know there’s a reason.  I know there’s a reason for the love and the pain and the sadness and the happiness.  Somehow, tying these three families together through their love for Jameson, Edson, and Michael fulfills God’s plan in some way.

And I am blessed to have been witness to it.