Questions

So far this week has been a real positive one.  I have had some great moments with the kids.  I have had real conversations in French (not so much in Creole, but my French is coming along!).  I continue to network and make connections with people from all the U.S.

As you know, my primary goal for being here was (is) to work on developing a school for special-needs children.  In my day-to-day living, that work has not really taken up much of my time.  That work comes in spurts, but it is always on my mind.  The land for the school has pretty much been paid off.  The architect is just about finished with the blue prints.  I'm waiting to hear from the American organization about submitting a  proposal to its board for official approval to construct the building.  Those are the big things that needed to happen.

It's the little things that keep coming to mind.  To be honest, though, I don't know how "little" those things really are.  Like, how big should our vision be?  How big/little should we start?  Have we bitten off more than we can chew?  See, the answers to those questions aren't just about the school.  Those answers are about my future.  About the work that I will be doing in Haiti. About where I will live.  About how I will make a living.

If I am truly committed to this school, then I might have to live my life differently.  I don't know yet; I don't know what God has in store for me.  As much as I desperately want to "go home" to the United States to see my family and friends, I also desperately want to stay in Haiti.  The work here is not even close to being done.  The kids are making some great progress with their therapy, but they need more.  They need consistency.  Do they need me?  Probably not.  They do need a committed therapist who is trained to provide for their needs.  Could I be that person?  Maybe.  Or, is my role to organize and/or run the school and learn the business end?

I know that while I have been in Haiti, my responsibilities as a teacher of 8th graders have dimmed in my mind.  Teacher evaluations, PLCs, teaming, block schedules, the Core Curriculum . . . all that has disappeared off my radar screen.  What will happen to my dreams for Haiti when I return to the States?  How quickly will these responsibilities fade when confronted with the realities of making a living and living in the Chicago suburbs?

In just 28 days I will be back in North Aurora, IL, living in the comfort of my own home.  I will have to work hard not to lose sight of my work here in Haiti.  I will have to work hard to maintain an understanding of what it is like to live in a third-world country and remember the dire needs here.  I will have to work hard to maintain a focus on the work begun here while also giving my best to my work in the U.S.

It's going to be a tough balancing act.