Church and Worship

Church today was different and not at all what I was expecting.  We left late, which didn’t surprise me, and the walk to the church was uneventful.  The church is outdoors.  The altar area is set up under an old UNICEF tarp and a tin roof.  There was plenty of seating under the roofing, but many people still had to stand in back or sat along the cement wall of the compound.  We were so far away that I couldn’t hear much even though there was a loudspeaker set up, and I couldn’t see much because of the truck parked in front of me. 

I knew I wouldn’t understand most of the words because my Creole just isn’t that good, but I was hoping for feeling as if I were worshipping.  And I didn’t have that.  It just felt as if I were standing in the sun waiting for it to be over.  I don’t even know whether the church is a part of a denomination. The preacher did wear ecclesiastical garb, so I assume it belonged to a denomination.  Maybe Catholic since Gertrude is a former nun?  I thought maybe I would recognize different parts of the service—kyrie, Lord’s prayer, offering, etc.—but nothing seemed familiar.  I did happen to see the pastor holding up a wafer, so I knew communion was about to happen, and I figured out the sharing of the peace when the kids started shaking my hand. 

I was disappointed.  Not in the Haitian church, but in my lack of feeling as if I had worshipped.  I wanted to experience something, and I left having felt nothing. 

However, even though my church experience this week lacked feeling, I did worship upon my return.  I changed clothes and took my bible, my journal, and this week’s letter from my church up to the roof top.  This week’s letter was from Marilyn Ellefsen.  The line in her letter that inspired me today was “children light the world no matter the circumstances . . . .”  How true that is.  I decided to use the simple index at the back of my bible to look up references to the word “children” to see what Scripture said.  I read numerous verses, and many of them focused on the innocence of children, the childlike belief in God that is needed, and to receive the Kingdom of God like a child. 

I wonder about the innocence of the children at Notre Maison and St. Joe’s.  How much innocence do they still have after being orphaned, abandoned at the gate, or left on the streets?  I wonder how much they have already grieved and lost at such a tender age.  Having already gone through so many traumas already, how innocent can they still be?  It’s not just the kids here or in Haiti who have suffered, children around the world have faced the same things.  What, then, does it mean to have like a child?  To receive the Kingdom of God like a child?  Does that mean the innocence of a child born into a economically stable home, with two loving parents to take care and nurture the child?  Or does it mean the “innocence” of a child left on the streets as a three year old to fend for herself?  Does it mean the “innocence” of a child abused at home who wills herself to die because living is just too hard? 

I don’t have answers for any of my questions.  But, I do know that the children here “light the world no matter the circumstances” as Marilyn wrote.  The new girl here—I still don’t know her name; no one seems to know it—is slowly coming out of her shell.  She’ll let adults touch her, so we sat on the bench today.  She wanted to sit in my lap and just snuggle.  Later, I put her in the swing for handicapped children, and she just laughed and smiled like nobody’s business.  She has the most beautiful, genuine laugh that I have heard in a long time.  It comes from her belly and just bubbles out.  I love it.  She lit up my world this afternoon.  So did Christine.  We put her in a walker for a bit and pulled her up to the bench where the new girl, Phonsley, and I sat.  She and Phonsley “played” by giving stuffed animals back and forth to each other (okay, most of the time they fell to the ground and I had to pick them up, but the intent was there!).  Christine also enjoyed pushing herself away from the bench a little bit, figuring out how her legs worked.  The wonders that face-to-face play with a peer will do for a child.