Mixed Feelings

I’ve been struggling with approaching the subject of schooling in Haiti because I don’t want to be the “outsider” who comes in and judges how something is done in another culture.  I also have mixed feelings about what is beneficial to the special-needs children at Notre Maison  and what is wasted money.

Gertrude has hired two ladies (who are AMAZING to watch as they work) to come in every day from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. and do school for the special-needs kids and the children who don’t go to school (these kids range in age from 18 mo.-4 years).  The school day starts with singing the national anthem and singing songs.  The only people singing are teachers and the nannies.  The babies are too young to speak, the special-needs kids are non-verbal, and the pre-school aged kids are learning the words.

Much of the school day progresses the same way.  It seems as if what is being taught would be considered pretty typical pre-school work: days of the week, how to introduce yourself, fun songs, months of the year, shapes, colors, etc.  They have some nap time, they eat lunch, they have some play time.

I wonder, though, what’s the point?  For the babies, I’m sure eventually some of it will sink in, and when they develop language skills, they will have this knowledge.  They sit in chairs most of the day, however, and I don’t know that that’s developmentally appropriate.

The pre-school kids probably benefit the most because the “curriculum” is at their developmental level.  The special-needs kids will most likely never be able to talk or need the information being taught.  Could the money being spent on the two teachers be better used to provide for the special-needs kids’ other needs?

Now, having said all that, the kids LOVE the singing.  Even though they don’t understand the words, they respond to the music and the rhythm.  They smile and clap, and it’s obvious they love it.  And, the time during the day is filled with stimulation, both physical and auditory.  I know the two teachers give the kids more attention than the nannies did.  In fact, I think the nannies are less bored because they participate, too! 

I struggle with thinking that something better suited to the kids’ needs would be more appropriate and then acknowledging that something is better than nothing.  The two teachers are incredible.  They never flag in energy or enthusiasm.  They sing loudly even though they get no response from any of their students.  They patiently have students come up to the board to have them work on Left, Right, Circle, Square, etc. 

Part of me thinks it would be better to invest the money in physical/occupational therapy equipment, but I don’t know whether the nannies would really do the work.  Or, do you look for physical/occupational therapists to come in?  To be honest, I don’t know where one would find those skilled workers in PAP.  Would it be cost prohibitive? 

I don’t know what the answers are.  I don’t even know if I’m asking the right questions.  I just know I've been struggling with these questions since I arrived. 

 

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On to a totally different subject: food.  The food we are served at the guesthouse is phenomenal.  I've not eaten anything that hasn't been great.  I asked Gertrude to see the cooking area because in all my visits, I've never seen where this delicious food is cooked.  I just know it shows up in the kitchen area at meal time.  The cooking area is pretty primitive by American standards, but these ladies sure know what they’re doing!

This is tonight's supper cooking.

Day Off

Good evening.  Today was incredibly relaxing because it was my day off.  My friend Oriol came to work with me for two hours on my Creole.  Not only was it good to see an old friend, my Creole is improving.  We will work together once a week, and after we are done with my Creole lessons, we will work on his English so that he will do better on his next TOEFL test.  He wants to study music in the States, and in order to do that, he needs to score much better on his next test.

            I took on the local market by myself today.  I successfully purchased bread and cheese for lunch.  However, I paid about 600% more for the bread than I needed to!  I think the lady made more off me than she usually does in a week.

            Me:  “Do you have bread?”—this was for two loaves a bit bigger than a foot-long sub.

            Her: “Yes.”

            Me:  “How much?”

            Her: “Six dollars.”

            I thought was a bit steep for some bread, but I paid it.  What do I know??  I also thought she was trying to scam the “Blanc” standing in front of her.  As I walked away, I heard her laughing with her friends.  I knew I had goofed in some way.  I continued on my way looking for cheese. Here’s the conversation at the next place:

            Me:  “Do you have cheese?”

            Nice Lady: “Yes.”

            Me:  “How many goudes?”

            Nice Lady: “Seven dollars.”

This was turning into an expensive lunch of bread and cheese!

            I counted out seven $1 bills and handed them to her.  She looked at me as if I were crazy and handed six of the bills back.  Aha!

Note to self:  Always ask for the cost in goudes! 

            When I got back to the orphanage, I checked the exchange rate for goudes, Haitian dollars, and U.S. dollars.  There are 40 goudes to an American dollar, and 5 goudes to a Haitian dollar.  No wonder the Bread Lady was laughing at me!

            My afternoon was very uneventful.  I ate lunch and then spent most of the afternoon napping in my room.  It was a cool day with a beautiful breeze, so I was able to sleep comfortably.  I got up just in time for dinner.  I didn’t feel that tired until I lay down, but as soon as I lay down, I knew I was in for a long nap.  And it felt so good. 

Land Pictures

Here are some more pictures of the land for the school.  It seems as if uploading pictures in the morning is much faster.

Front of the old guesthouse.  

The back corner of the land.

To the left of the sidewalk is where the guesthouse will go.  To the right is where the playground will go.

Healing Touch

I have a feeling that reading about my day-to-day activities will soon grow boring!  I continue to settle into a daily routine of sorts.  I help the teachers who come in from 9:00-9:50ish, and then I set up my little “therapy” areas.  The first kids to come are the babies.  I focus mostly on Phonsley while the other little ones just play.  I “work” with them at their play therapy for about 45 minutes.  I have to admit, it’s a pretty good gig!  Then comes Christina.  Today I added stretching and massage to her routine.  I learned the techniques I used this morning by watching a YouTube video and by watching another guest here who demonstrated on Phonsley.  It’s like being a first-year teacher all over again—I’m barely staying ahead of my students!

Christina stood in the make-shift stander for a little bit before she became obviously tired.  I decided that Thursday I will time how long she stands so that I have some baseline data to measure growth (who thought I’d be using RtI jargon here in Haiti!).  Christine received about the same therapy as Christina.  After we were through, I put Christine in a walker to see what she would do.  She actually pushes herself along; I noticed that she would prefer to push backwards because then she doesn’t have to lift her feet much.  Need to figure out a way around that.

The one piece that I added for all the kids I worked with today was massage with lotion.  Each child quickly settled in and just smiled at the feel of the touch.  Their skin soaked up the lotion.  These children are touched so rarely that I can only imagine what they are thinking and feeling.  But, to a child, they smiled, relaxed, and calmed down.  I saw today the power in loving touch and how much children need it to grow and thrive.  Five children received massages today.  There are a good15+ to go. 

There is a small group here from the Kansas City, MO, area.  They helped me quite a bit with the kids today.  It was one of their members who showed me how to do some stretching with the kid.  Their main work this week is to check in on some water filtration systems that they have worked on in some remoter areas.  Providing clean water is a growing area of work, it seems.  As new technologies develop, the more opportunities there are to provide the clean water needed out of the major cities.

Today’s child profile is about Mickey.  I’ve mentioned him lots in my school presentations, but most of your probably haven’t seen those!  Mickey is about 18 years old and has cerebral palsy.  He is quite smart and has an outgoing personality.  Even though he isn’t able to go to school, he has received tutoring in English in the past because Gertrude has had money donated to provide tutoring.  Mickey seemed quite sick when I was here in November.  He was coughing a lot, had lost weight, and seemed more lethargic.  I looked for him when I arrived last week, and I was told he is in the hospital.  He tested negative for TB, but the doctors put him in the TB anyway at the hospital.  He doesn’t have pneumonia.  All the doctors can say is that one of his lungs is very bad.  Gertrude went to visit him yesterday, and Mickey begged her to bring him home.  Gertrude wanted to, but the doctor said that if Mickey came back he would die soon.  Please pray for Mickey.

It has been so much easier the last few days, but there have been many guests here as well.  It helps to have other English-speaking folks here.  The place will pretty much be filled until Sunday.  Then I think everyone leaves.  By that time I hope I feel settled enough that I will be okay on my own.

Okay. Last bit of news for tonight.  My friend Oriol is coming tomorrow to begin my tutoring in Creole.  He has helped me before on my other trips, and I am excited to keep working on my language skills.

Au Revoir, Mes Cheres

I wrote the following last night, but the Internet wasn't working, so I was unable to post it.   

Today has been a series of saying good-bye to the Ws—Wilson, Wilburson, and Wildania.  Their adoptive parents were out and about today tracking down the last of the needed documents before leaving tomorrow.  At the end of the school day the teachers had a wonderful good-bye for the boys.  I cried.  Each of the nannies said something to the kids.  Then, when the school-aged kids arrived home, the whole group had another big send off!  Many songs were sung—Jameson and Edson did a duet.  They have amazing voices!  I think every song that is taught to pre-K and kindergarten students to learn the basics (days of the week, months of the year, etc.) was sung.  Beautiful!  Then came the cookies.  Or, the cookie bits!  These were the early cookies that stuck to the pans because we forgot to put wax paper down first.  Oh, well.  The kids didn’t mind!  After the songs came musical chairs.  Then it was time for kids to work on their homework.

            The sense around the orphanage is bittersweet.  Everyone is thrilled that the kids are going home with their parents after a three-year long process.  But, the staff are also sad because they are sending off children that they have raised for the last 4 ½ years.   I can’t even begin to imagine what that must feel like.  Right now, Gertrude has Wildania on her lap to do her hair before leaving in the morning.  Two of the nannies and Rosie, Gertrude’s daughter, are standing by offering their advice!  Gertrude’s friend Denise is helping as well.  Wildania will be the best looking little girl on the plane tomorrow!

            Please pray for Bonnie, Steve, Wilson, Wilburson, and Wildania as they travel home tomorrow and Wednesday (Colorado is the final destination).  Please pray for them as they become a family (Bonnie and Steve already have two grown birth children and two adopted daughters). 

            Please pray for Gertrude.  Prayers have been answered because the Ws are going home.  But, Gertrude will need strength as she grieves the loss of these three precious kids.  Like I said before, it is a day filled with bitter sweetness.  

Comments

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Better

Today was busy in so many different ways it’s hard to know where to begin.  I’ll start, though, with a big thank you for the words of encouragement from readers.  I needed to hear the voices of friends (albeit online) letting me know that I’m going on this journey by myself. 

I also want to send a big thank you to the folks at New Hope Lutheran Church in North Aurora, IL.  I read your first letter today during my Bible study time.  Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement.  It has been hard for me to wait until today to start reading them.  Truth be told, I thought about opening all of them before I even left—it was like sitting and staring at Christmas presents under the tree knowing the letters were packed in my suitcase.  And my parents will attest to the fact that as a kid I would sit by the tree and just stare at my presents, waiting anxiously for Christmas morning!  I did show restraint, however, and didn’t open any until today.  It will an exercise in delayed gratification to wait until Sundays to read the letters.  But, I think the waiting will make their messages all the more precious.  I am grateful for this gift from you.

So, after the usual morning routine of feeding kids, I wasn’t sure what to do to kill time until Gertrude and I had to leave to check out the land.  Gertrude was puttering around in the kitchen, and I asked whether there was anything I could do help.  Yes.  I could help make peanut butter cookies.  Now there was something I knew I could do.  I may not know special needs.  I may not know French.  I may not know Creole.  But I know how to make cookies!  It was good to have something to do while we talked—made the conversation so much easier.

About 10:00 I reminded Gertrude that she had an appointment with the adoption lawyer at 10:00.  She had totally forgotten about it!  We were readying to leave when the Ws’ (Wilson, Wilberson, and Wildania) adoptive parents arrived.  Our departure was pushed back for a little bit more.  We headed out to see the land which is just down the street from Gertrude’s lawyer.  The land is gorgeous!  It is a big plot with a number of trees.  A cool breeze blew through for most of the time that I was there.  I thought that the land had been totally cleared of rubble from the earthquake, but I was mistaken.  There is A LOT of clearing out that needs to happen before any building can begin.  When we are ready to do that work, you all are more than welcome to come and help!  The pictures I posted are of the land.  It may not seem like much right now, but we can see our school there.

I spent some time getting to know Bonnie and Steve, the couple adopting the Ws.  There story is amazing; maybe later I will share it. 

Tonight I am sitting in the kitchen area while I type.  Little Alicia is in my lap.  My spirits are much better than they were Friday and yesterday morning.  Thank you.

Okay.  I have more pictures, but it took 5 minutes for this one to load and about 10 minutes for another one to mostly load before it gave up.  I guess I'll be posting pictures slowly. 

Help Me

Help me.  That was my prayer this morning as I sat up on the roof preparing for my day.  I tried to run through a list of prayers that I wanted to send to God, but those words were all that I could form.  Help me. 

Help me fight off of the feelings of overwhelmedness.  Help me to stop feeling as if I won’t “do enough.”  Help me feel less afraid to speak and make mistakes.  Help me stop feeling homesick already.  Help me to stop feeling so alone.  Help me stop being afraid that others will find out that I really don’t know what I’m doing and that I’m all talk and no action and that they shouldn’t have trusted me with anything.

I’m not sure why I am having such struggle so early.  I really thought the first weeks would be okay and that I wouldn’t start feeling so overwhelmed until later.  These feelings have hit me full force right away for some reason.  I decided to take it one day at a time.  Then, I decided to take it a ½ day at a time.  Then I decided an hour at a time would suffice.  And it worked.  I feel much better now than I did yesterday at this time.

            After praying I went downstairs to help with breakfast.  I’ve never been here before on a weekend, and I thought it would be chaos.  It was the exact opposite!  After the school kids ate, they all helped feed the special-needs kids and clean them up.  They are amazingly helpful.  I guess it’s like in any big family—the older kids help with the younger ones.  I then set up a play area upstairs so that I could work with some of the needy kids without being besieged by the others.  I brought up Alicia, Kendina, and Phonsley.  Kendina is developing pretty normally, and I thought she would be helpful in playing with the other two.  I feel as if I accomplished something this morning.  Alicia played, reached for toys, and as she grew more comfortable she pulled herself up and walked!  She has been malnourished and pretty much abandoned up to now, and I think she just needs to be socialized.  It sound so horrible to say it that way, but I think it’s true.

            Phonsley continues to pull himself along on his arms, but doesn’t push with his feet.  He also has less torso strength than I originally thought.  When sitting up, he does better using my body and legs to support his torso.  He played with more toys that way. 

            Gertrude and I talked a bit more about my work schedule.  I get to take one day off a week, which surprised me.  I kinda thought I would just work everyday.  I’m not sure where I would go or what I would do on a day off, but I have one.  I’ll see what develops.  I know one thing that I’d like to do is have my friend Oriol tutor me on those days.  I really need help in learning my Creole, and he’s a good teacher.  He can help me with my Creole, and I plan to help him prepare for the TOEFL test again.  Gertrude said that paying about $10/hour would be a going rate.  I want to make it worth his while to come all this way.  Maybe in time he could also show me around town more on my day off. 

            I said earlier that I thought today would be chaotic with all the kids here, but there is a weekend routine as well.  After breakfast, the school kids have time with their tutor Gabriel who works with them on their English.  I sat in for part of the lesson so that I could learn some Creole!  Then they have some free time until lunch around noon.  Again, the school kids help feed the special-needs kids.  After lunch it is quiet time.  All the kids lie down from 1-3.  That happens on weekdays, too.  I can probably use that time to eat my lunch, relax, read, etc. Then at 3:00 I opened up the playground area for the kids to play.  I used that time to bring each of the wheelchair kids into the play area so that they could swing for a bit.  The kids played until 4:15, and then I had them settle down some before dinner. 

            During the nap time I did pull out some of the special- needs kids for some massage therapy.  I do use the term “massage therapy” loosely.  The kids seemed to enjoy the stretching and massaging, but I would like to learn more about how to do it so that that time is helpful.  I don’t think I’ll break any of them, but I don’t want to do damage!

            Help me.  That’s how my day started.  And God was there to help me.  It’s such a great reminder that I am not here alone.  That God is walking with me every step.

Day Two (Can't think of a creative title)

Hello again.  Checking in at the end of day two.  Today’s schedule was similar to yesterday’s.  I did more one-on-one play therapy with some of the younger kids.  I’ve been reading some books while I’m here about play therapy, and what I learn at night I try to put into practice during the day.  It’s slow going, but it is also fascinating.  It’s one more reminder of how much I don’t know and how much there is still to learn.

            The afternoon is the slowest part of the day so far.  After lunch the kids lie down for naps and rest time which lasts until about 2:30.  Today I used that time to go up on the roof and eat lunch, read, journal, and simply give my brain a rest.  This talking in a foreign language is exhausting!  I speak mostly Kreyol with the kids and then French with the teachers and some of the workers.  I think most of the time I’m speaking a mix of Kreyol and French—don’t whether it makes sense to anyone. 

            Today’s child profile is about Phonsley.  We think he is about 3 years old and has some level of retardation.  He has a big smile and loves to sit with a person one-on-one.  He isn’t able to crawl yet.  He can pull himself along on his arms, but he struggles to push with his legs.  He tries to push with the left leg, but the right leg pretty much stays straight out.  He likes to be tickled.  Well, he laughs and giggles when he’s tickled, so he seems to be enjoying himself!  Tickling him also gets him up on all fours for a bit.  Maybe from that position he will figure out how to crawl?

            I’ve never been here on a weekend before.  I wonder what it will be like with all the kids here all day.  I’ve never seen the weekend routine before.  It will be a learning experience!

Day One

The first day went well.  I slept really well last night and woke up cold a number of times.  That seems odd considering that it gets up to the mid-90’s daily here.  Today was warm as well, but there was a great cooling breeze up on the roof.

I spent most of my morning working with two ladies who come to the orphanage to run school for the kids who don’t go to “regular” school.  This includes the babies, the pre-K kids, and the special-needs kids.   This conglomeration of children is quite an experience!  The kids speak Kreyol, yet school is taught in French.  At least I could understand most of the French, but it took me awhile because school in Haiti seems to be taught loudly.  I mean, the teachers speak loudly and the kids respond loudly.  It seems as if the louder the speaking, the more learning will take place.  I think what it really means is that the loud child is noticed while the quiet one blends in. 

The school day starts with singing and praying.  Then the kids take an assortment of seats at small tables.  At that time, we worked a bit on learning about the calendar—it gives the day, the date, the month, and the year.  The kids practiced saying the names of the school, their teachers, and Madame Gertrude (la directrisse).  All of this is set to song.  I can’t sing, so I don’t think I could ever be a Haitian teacher!

After lunch, Cade bit me.  He likes to grab food from the other kids, so after he was done, I took him to the playground and wouldn’t let him return.  He became very agitated, banged his head against the wall, slapped me, and then bit me.  It’s the only way he knows to vent his frustration.  He is always hungry.  Everyone here is always hungry.  And the only way to try to get enough food is to eat fast and take more from others.  I thought I was doing a helpful thing by taking him to the playground; I thought it would distract him.  I didn’t realize how distraught he would become without the chance for more food.  I don’t think I’ll do the same thing tomorrow.  Don’t know what I will try, but it will be different. 

Gertrude was out most of the day which meant that no one here spoke English.  Talk about immersion to learn a language!  I had to speak French and Kreyol to get by.  I don’t mind speaking with the kids, but I still get nervous speaking with adults.  I am so afraid of making a mistake and embarrassing myself.  I’m gonna hafta get over that!

I decided today that I will give some information each day about a different child here.  Today is Christina’s day.  She is approximately 5 years old.  She doesn’t speak and is unable to feed herself.  She has the most beautiful smile that lights up her whole face.  She likes to clap her hands when we are singing.  She can sit up by herself, but she doesn’t crawl.  I sat and played with her a bit late in the afternoon to see what she is capable of physically.  When she lies on her stomach, she can lift her head and torso off the ground, but she doesn’t roll over.  Her leg strength isn’t there to allow her to stand or walk.  I would like to change that.  I think Gertrude has some standers that we can adapt to Christina’s height and have her stand in it some every day.  That way her muscles should become strong enough for her to stand (maybe walk?) on her own.

That's it for tonight.  Have to do some research for tomorrow.

Save Arrival

     I made it!  This trip went without any glitches.  The biggest problem was finding a parking spot at O'Hare!  After that it was all smooth sailing.

     The airport in Port-au-Prince has changed since my trip in November.  Instead of coming off the walkway and going down onto the tarmac to hop a shuttle to an old airplane hangar that functioned as immigration, the walkway takes passengers to a newly renovated immigration station that looks just like one in the U.S.  And, the luggage carousels are also new and updated.  The airport even has a couple of shops and other ammenities near baggage claim.  This may not sound like much, but these are major improvements not just since the earthquake but even from before that. 

     I have started to settle in at the guesthouse.  I loved pulling into the compound and seeing the kids again.  Baby Alicia that I wrote about on my Thanksgiving trip is still here.  The adopted mother who was going to take her decided not to.  And, it turns out that "Alicia" is not really Alicia.  Her real name is Christine; the adopted mother wanted to name her Alicia, so that is the name she gave to Gertrude.  I may still call her Alicia just because that's how I know her and because there are already three other Christines here, one Chirstina, and one Christella.  Too confusing.  Some more good news about Alicia/Christine--she is now walking!

   Gertrude and I have been talking about the school plans tonight.  We will most likely go to the land on Sunday and dream about what we want to see in the school and the small guest house (feel free to come visit at some point!). 

     I need to keep unpacking and get settled in.  It seems weird that I will be here for months, which means that I have to figure out where I will put my clothes and toiletries and books and everything else.  Usually I just live out of my suitcase for a week and deal with the clutter.  This time, though, I need to put some order to the chaos so that I can find things and not drive myself crazy.  When I can, I'll take some pictures and try to post them so that you can see where I'm living.

Gotta go.