Better

Today was busy in so many different ways it’s hard to know where to begin.  I’ll start, though, with a big thank you for the words of encouragement from readers.  I needed to hear the voices of friends (albeit online) letting me know that I’m going on this journey by myself. 

I also want to send a big thank you to the folks at New Hope Lutheran Church in North Aurora, IL.  I read your first letter today during my Bible study time.  Thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement.  It has been hard for me to wait until today to start reading them.  Truth be told, I thought about opening all of them before I even left—it was like sitting and staring at Christmas presents under the tree knowing the letters were packed in my suitcase.  And my parents will attest to the fact that as a kid I would sit by the tree and just stare at my presents, waiting anxiously for Christmas morning!  I did show restraint, however, and didn’t open any until today.  It will an exercise in delayed gratification to wait until Sundays to read the letters.  But, I think the waiting will make their messages all the more precious.  I am grateful for this gift from you.

So, after the usual morning routine of feeding kids, I wasn’t sure what to do to kill time until Gertrude and I had to leave to check out the land.  Gertrude was puttering around in the kitchen, and I asked whether there was anything I could do help.  Yes.  I could help make peanut butter cookies.  Now there was something I knew I could do.  I may not know special needs.  I may not know French.  I may not know Creole.  But I know how to make cookies!  It was good to have something to do while we talked—made the conversation so much easier.

About 10:00 I reminded Gertrude that she had an appointment with the adoption lawyer at 10:00.  She had totally forgotten about it!  We were readying to leave when the Ws’ (Wilson, Wilberson, and Wildania) adoptive parents arrived.  Our departure was pushed back for a little bit more.  We headed out to see the land which is just down the street from Gertrude’s lawyer.  The land is gorgeous!  It is a big plot with a number of trees.  A cool breeze blew through for most of the time that I was there.  I thought that the land had been totally cleared of rubble from the earthquake, but I was mistaken.  There is A LOT of clearing out that needs to happen before any building can begin.  When we are ready to do that work, you all are more than welcome to come and help!  The pictures I posted are of the land.  It may not seem like much right now, but we can see our school there.

I spent some time getting to know Bonnie and Steve, the couple adopting the Ws.  There story is amazing; maybe later I will share it. 

Tonight I am sitting in the kitchen area while I type.  Little Alicia is in my lap.  My spirits are much better than they were Friday and yesterday morning.  Thank you.

Okay.  I have more pictures, but it took 5 minutes for this one to load and about 10 minutes for another one to mostly load before it gave up.  I guess I'll be posting pictures slowly. 

Help Me

Help me.  That was my prayer this morning as I sat up on the roof preparing for my day.  I tried to run through a list of prayers that I wanted to send to God, but those words were all that I could form.  Help me. 

Help me fight off of the feelings of overwhelmedness.  Help me to stop feeling as if I won’t “do enough.”  Help me feel less afraid to speak and make mistakes.  Help me stop feeling homesick already.  Help me to stop feeling so alone.  Help me stop being afraid that others will find out that I really don’t know what I’m doing and that I’m all talk and no action and that they shouldn’t have trusted me with anything.

I’m not sure why I am having such struggle so early.  I really thought the first weeks would be okay and that I wouldn’t start feeling so overwhelmed until later.  These feelings have hit me full force right away for some reason.  I decided to take it one day at a time.  Then, I decided to take it a ½ day at a time.  Then I decided an hour at a time would suffice.  And it worked.  I feel much better now than I did yesterday at this time.

            After praying I went downstairs to help with breakfast.  I’ve never been here before on a weekend, and I thought it would be chaos.  It was the exact opposite!  After the school kids ate, they all helped feed the special-needs kids and clean them up.  They are amazingly helpful.  I guess it’s like in any big family—the older kids help with the younger ones.  I then set up a play area upstairs so that I could work with some of the needy kids without being besieged by the others.  I brought up Alicia, Kendina, and Phonsley.  Kendina is developing pretty normally, and I thought she would be helpful in playing with the other two.  I feel as if I accomplished something this morning.  Alicia played, reached for toys, and as she grew more comfortable she pulled herself up and walked!  She has been malnourished and pretty much abandoned up to now, and I think she just needs to be socialized.  It sound so horrible to say it that way, but I think it’s true.

            Phonsley continues to pull himself along on his arms, but doesn’t push with his feet.  He also has less torso strength than I originally thought.  When sitting up, he does better using my body and legs to support his torso.  He played with more toys that way. 

            Gertrude and I talked a bit more about my work schedule.  I get to take one day off a week, which surprised me.  I kinda thought I would just work everyday.  I’m not sure where I would go or what I would do on a day off, but I have one.  I’ll see what develops.  I know one thing that I’d like to do is have my friend Oriol tutor me on those days.  I really need help in learning my Creole, and he’s a good teacher.  He can help me with my Creole, and I plan to help him prepare for the TOEFL test again.  Gertrude said that paying about $10/hour would be a going rate.  I want to make it worth his while to come all this way.  Maybe in time he could also show me around town more on my day off. 

            I said earlier that I thought today would be chaotic with all the kids here, but there is a weekend routine as well.  After breakfast, the school kids have time with their tutor Gabriel who works with them on their English.  I sat in for part of the lesson so that I could learn some Creole!  Then they have some free time until lunch around noon.  Again, the school kids help feed the special-needs kids.  After lunch it is quiet time.  All the kids lie down from 1-3.  That happens on weekdays, too.  I can probably use that time to eat my lunch, relax, read, etc. Then at 3:00 I opened up the playground area for the kids to play.  I used that time to bring each of the wheelchair kids into the play area so that they could swing for a bit.  The kids played until 4:15, and then I had them settle down some before dinner. 

            During the nap time I did pull out some of the special- needs kids for some massage therapy.  I do use the term “massage therapy” loosely.  The kids seemed to enjoy the stretching and massaging, but I would like to learn more about how to do it so that that time is helpful.  I don’t think I’ll break any of them, but I don’t want to do damage!

            Help me.  That’s how my day started.  And God was there to help me.  It’s such a great reminder that I am not here alone.  That God is walking with me every step.

Day Two (Can't think of a creative title)

Hello again.  Checking in at the end of day two.  Today’s schedule was similar to yesterday’s.  I did more one-on-one play therapy with some of the younger kids.  I’ve been reading some books while I’m here about play therapy, and what I learn at night I try to put into practice during the day.  It’s slow going, but it is also fascinating.  It’s one more reminder of how much I don’t know and how much there is still to learn.

            The afternoon is the slowest part of the day so far.  After lunch the kids lie down for naps and rest time which lasts until about 2:30.  Today I used that time to go up on the roof and eat lunch, read, journal, and simply give my brain a rest.  This talking in a foreign language is exhausting!  I speak mostly Kreyol with the kids and then French with the teachers and some of the workers.  I think most of the time I’m speaking a mix of Kreyol and French—don’t whether it makes sense to anyone. 

            Today’s child profile is about Phonsley.  We think he is about 3 years old and has some level of retardation.  He has a big smile and loves to sit with a person one-on-one.  He isn’t able to crawl yet.  He can pull himself along on his arms, but he struggles to push with his legs.  He tries to push with the left leg, but the right leg pretty much stays straight out.  He likes to be tickled.  Well, he laughs and giggles when he’s tickled, so he seems to be enjoying himself!  Tickling him also gets him up on all fours for a bit.  Maybe from that position he will figure out how to crawl?

            I’ve never been here on a weekend before.  I wonder what it will be like with all the kids here all day.  I’ve never seen the weekend routine before.  It will be a learning experience!

Day One

The first day went well.  I slept really well last night and woke up cold a number of times.  That seems odd considering that it gets up to the mid-90’s daily here.  Today was warm as well, but there was a great cooling breeze up on the roof.

I spent most of my morning working with two ladies who come to the orphanage to run school for the kids who don’t go to “regular” school.  This includes the babies, the pre-K kids, and the special-needs kids.   This conglomeration of children is quite an experience!  The kids speak Kreyol, yet school is taught in French.  At least I could understand most of the French, but it took me awhile because school in Haiti seems to be taught loudly.  I mean, the teachers speak loudly and the kids respond loudly.  It seems as if the louder the speaking, the more learning will take place.  I think what it really means is that the loud child is noticed while the quiet one blends in. 

The school day starts with singing and praying.  Then the kids take an assortment of seats at small tables.  At that time, we worked a bit on learning about the calendar—it gives the day, the date, the month, and the year.  The kids practiced saying the names of the school, their teachers, and Madame Gertrude (la directrisse).  All of this is set to song.  I can’t sing, so I don’t think I could ever be a Haitian teacher!

After lunch, Cade bit me.  He likes to grab food from the other kids, so after he was done, I took him to the playground and wouldn’t let him return.  He became very agitated, banged his head against the wall, slapped me, and then bit me.  It’s the only way he knows to vent his frustration.  He is always hungry.  Everyone here is always hungry.  And the only way to try to get enough food is to eat fast and take more from others.  I thought I was doing a helpful thing by taking him to the playground; I thought it would distract him.  I didn’t realize how distraught he would become without the chance for more food.  I don’t think I’ll do the same thing tomorrow.  Don’t know what I will try, but it will be different. 

Gertrude was out most of the day which meant that no one here spoke English.  Talk about immersion to learn a language!  I had to speak French and Kreyol to get by.  I don’t mind speaking with the kids, but I still get nervous speaking with adults.  I am so afraid of making a mistake and embarrassing myself.  I’m gonna hafta get over that!

I decided today that I will give some information each day about a different child here.  Today is Christina’s day.  She is approximately 5 years old.  She doesn’t speak and is unable to feed herself.  She has the most beautiful smile that lights up her whole face.  She likes to clap her hands when we are singing.  She can sit up by herself, but she doesn’t crawl.  I sat and played with her a bit late in the afternoon to see what she is capable of physically.  When she lies on her stomach, she can lift her head and torso off the ground, but she doesn’t roll over.  Her leg strength isn’t there to allow her to stand or walk.  I would like to change that.  I think Gertrude has some standers that we can adapt to Christina’s height and have her stand in it some every day.  That way her muscles should become strong enough for her to stand (maybe walk?) on her own.

That's it for tonight.  Have to do some research for tomorrow.

Save Arrival

     I made it!  This trip went without any glitches.  The biggest problem was finding a parking spot at O'Hare!  After that it was all smooth sailing.

     The airport in Port-au-Prince has changed since my trip in November.  Instead of coming off the walkway and going down onto the tarmac to hop a shuttle to an old airplane hangar that functioned as immigration, the walkway takes passengers to a newly renovated immigration station that looks just like one in the U.S.  And, the luggage carousels are also new and updated.  The airport even has a couple of shops and other ammenities near baggage claim.  This may not sound like much, but these are major improvements not just since the earthquake but even from before that. 

     I have started to settle in at the guesthouse.  I loved pulling into the compound and seeing the kids again.  Baby Alicia that I wrote about on my Thanksgiving trip is still here.  The adopted mother who was going to take her decided not to.  And, it turns out that "Alicia" is not really Alicia.  Her real name is Christine; the adopted mother wanted to name her Alicia, so that is the name she gave to Gertrude.  I may still call her Alicia just because that's how I know her and because there are already three other Christines here, one Chirstina, and one Christella.  Too confusing.  Some more good news about Alicia/Christine--she is now walking!

   Gertrude and I have been talking about the school plans tonight.  We will most likely go to the land on Sunday and dream about what we want to see in the school and the small guest house (feel free to come visit at some point!). 

     I need to keep unpacking and get settled in.  It seems weird that I will be here for months, which means that I have to figure out where I will put my clothes and toiletries and books and everything else.  Usually I just live out of my suitcase for a week and deal with the clutter.  This time, though, I need to put some order to the chaos so that I can find things and not drive myself crazy.  When I can, I'll take some pictures and try to post them so that you can see where I'm living.

Gotta go.